I hate waking up. Prying myself out of bed is easily the worst part of my day, I DESPISE it. I love laying all snuggled and warm in mounds of blankets. Usually by this time Matt is up and functional (like normal humans) so I lay across the ENTIRE bed. On ALL the pillows. Cacooned in down and flannel...dreaming about sleeping longer.
But NO.
NO Friggin Bob.
I hate you Bob.
Especially when you use the phrase "At home winner". I don't feel like an "at home winner" watching the fat troll on the back row double timing her hook upper cut combos, while I am struggling just to keep time. I don't feel like an "at home winner" while everything in my house (including my FAT) is shaking like a size 12 earthquake because McFatty is doing jumping jacks in her living room. And I DEFINATLY don't feel like an "at home winner" when I pull my cooter trying to do SIDE LUNGES.
Friggin BOB.
Anyways. I did it. I got up this morning and worked out with FRIGGIN BOB. And I did my squats. I did my lunges (even the side ones). And PUSH UPS. Which I hate almost as much as being called "at home winner". I only yelled at him like 3 times, and I think I will move onto Bootcamp Program Number 2 soon. I'm hoping Program Number 2 will help my muffin top issues. Apparently #1 is to eliminate boobs. Possibley it works it's way down as you progress. By the end of all three you finally get rid of the butt and thighs. All I know is there is an inner tube around my waist...and I aint on a boat.
Food Log:
Apple
english muffin w/peanut butter (250 cals)
1 serving mini rice cakes (70 cals)
string cheese (50 cals)
1 pint beer (110 cals)
serving unsalted almonds (100 cals)
4 chicken nuggets (170 cals)
small fry (230 cals)
diet dr pepper
liter of water
giant coffee w/cream cinnimon, splenda (100 cals)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Auntie Em
Mary: Like Journey always said: "Don't stop believing!" We can do this! I know you arent seeing numbers but are things fitting differently? Do you have more energy yet? It sounds like it with all that hula hoopin. You can't stop, you just can't. I want us to wear cute bathing suits together on the boat this summer. If we are FAT we have to wear tankini's with skirts. Just put a picture of you looking like a troll on the fridge, pantry, and next to the scale. I just look at the awful pic of me baking cake on my mom's facebook and it makes me think twice about killing a gallon of ice cream. You are wonderful, and your encouragement keeps me going!! I miss you so much, and wish I could be there to padlock the pantry. It's only working in one place for me...
I've dropped a cup size. Annoyed. The best part about being fat is having big boobies. Now I have a gut and nonboobies. When does the rest of me catch up? I want to keep boobies but loose bootie, blubber, and big fat thighs. I think I am going to really wail on my glutes tomorrow, try and get my junky trunk to catch up to the girls (or lack thereof). I dislike loosing boobies first, what kind of sick joke is that, the only thing we want to stay mushy and volumptious and BAM gone. This is Bullshit. I'm jus sayin.
My exercise today was pushing a cart filled with 200 ish props, 4 wooden crates, and a 115 pound gay boy down the street (he was sitting on everything to keep it from falling off). For 6 BLOCKS! Also ran the steps, calf raises in the T. I am sore from Bob and Rodney yesterday. I have a date with them tomorrow...
Food Log
Luna Bar (180cals)
Peanut Butter sandwich on multigrain fiber one bread (400 cals)
1 serving mini rice cakes (70 cals)
2 string cheeses (100 cals total)
apple (60 cals)
quaker chocolate mint crisps (90 cals)
celery sticks (20 cals)
deli meat (60 cals)
I've dropped a cup size. Annoyed. The best part about being fat is having big boobies. Now I have a gut and nonboobies. When does the rest of me catch up? I want to keep boobies but loose bootie, blubber, and big fat thighs. I think I am going to really wail on my glutes tomorrow, try and get my junky trunk to catch up to the girls (or lack thereof). I dislike loosing boobies first, what kind of sick joke is that, the only thing we want to stay mushy and volumptious and BAM gone. This is Bullshit. I'm jus sayin.
My exercise today was pushing a cart filled with 200 ish props, 4 wooden crates, and a 115 pound gay boy down the street (he was sitting on everything to keep it from falling off). For 6 BLOCKS! Also ran the steps, calf raises in the T. I am sore from Bob and Rodney yesterday. I have a date with them tomorrow...
Food Log
Luna Bar (180cals)
Peanut Butter sandwich on multigrain fiber one bread (400 cals)
1 serving mini rice cakes (70 cals)
2 string cheeses (100 cals total)
apple (60 cals)
quaker chocolate mint crisps (90 cals)
celery sticks (20 cals)
deli meat (60 cals)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Bob is Back
So I worked out with Bob today, and found the best way to get through it without yelling at the TV is to wear my headphones while I work out. Instead if listening to Bob telling me to smile while doing jumping jacks (uh No Bob) I can listen to Whiteny Housten's "I wanna dance with somebody". I topped off my Big Fat Loser Bootcamp with a little Power Yoga workout (50 minutes). I sweated my rear end off the whole time, and just love that Rodney Lee (the yoga guy). His voice is soothing. "Swan dive down to standing forward bend..." I don't know how swan like I am, but I do know I'd rather hear that than "Remember to SMILE at home!!!!!!" Yes, with 6 exclamation pionts.
Adventures in healthy cooking tonight: I used a FOOD PROCESSOR, all by meself! I made homemade sauce to go over the stuffed poblanos I made. It was great, except Poblanos are effing HOT! And the jalepinos I added to the sauce to give it a little kick...effing HOT! So overall, a fiery dish that was lovely, but I could only eat half cuz Ima wuss. Matt, on the other hand gobbled it up saying how great it was (and he KNOWS). Matt got a free cake from the Pastry Chefs at school. Obviously I had to try it....to see what his tuition is paying for...or because there was a cake in the house. But otherwise a great day...I completed many goals on my list from last night, including a dance party, exercising, laying a big smooch on my bf, and dying my roots.
Food Log:
Oatmeal (100 cals)
Hot tea
1/2 cup steamed white rice w/1/4 cup chili (180 cals)
1 slice of bread with a slice of turkey (140 cals)
diet dr pepper
1/4 polenta stuffed poblano pepper (140 cals)
4 oz steak (250 cals)
2 corona lights (180 cals)
sliver (not even a whole piece) of CAKE! (125 cals)
Adventures in healthy cooking tonight: I used a FOOD PROCESSOR, all by meself! I made homemade sauce to go over the stuffed poblanos I made. It was great, except Poblanos are effing HOT! And the jalepinos I added to the sauce to give it a little kick...effing HOT! So overall, a fiery dish that was lovely, but I could only eat half cuz Ima wuss. Matt, on the other hand gobbled it up saying how great it was (and he KNOWS). Matt got a free cake from the Pastry Chefs at school. Obviously I had to try it....to see what his tuition is paying for...or because there was a cake in the house. But otherwise a great day...I completed many goals on my list from last night, including a dance party, exercising, laying a big smooch on my bf, and dying my roots.
Food Log:
Oatmeal (100 cals)
Hot tea
1/2 cup steamed white rice w/1/4 cup chili (180 cals)
1 slice of bread with a slice of turkey (140 cals)
diet dr pepper
1/4 polenta stuffed poblano pepper (140 cals)
4 oz steak (250 cals)
2 corona lights (180 cals)
sliver (not even a whole piece) of CAKE! (125 cals)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Tomorrow I will...
Exercise. Cook a healthy meal. Get out of bed before noon. Dance at some point...to Gloriana...possibly in my underwear. Kiss my boyfreind. Dye my hair. Tweeze my eyebrow (yes that is a singluar noun).
Tomorrow I will not...
Eat my weight in tortilla chips. Stand in front of the pantry shoving food in my mouth. Drink a 6 pack. Dip things in Ranch. Buy a whole cake from the grocery store and eat it as my "4th meal".
It's good to have goals right?
Food Log
Luna bar (smores) (180 cals)
Luna bar (oatmeal cookie) (180 cals)
Steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zuchinni, and squash (salt and pepper) (40 cals)
Diet Mt Dew
1.5 liters water
4 piece chicken nugget (190 cals)
apple slices (35 cals)
Tomorrow I will not...
Eat my weight in tortilla chips. Stand in front of the pantry shoving food in my mouth. Drink a 6 pack. Dip things in Ranch. Buy a whole cake from the grocery store and eat it as my "4th meal".
It's good to have goals right?
Food Log
Luna bar (smores) (180 cals)
Luna bar (oatmeal cookie) (180 cals)
Steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zuchinni, and squash (salt and pepper) (40 cals)
Diet Mt Dew
1.5 liters water
4 piece chicken nugget (190 cals)
apple slices (35 cals)
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Cookies and Trolls
So halfway through rehearsal my Director exclaims "I NEED COOKIES!" and proceded to send our assistants out to get a giant bag of cookies. I'm not kidding. They came back with $30.00 worth of cookies.
I stayed stong, I had 1 small cookie (I SWEAR!). I watched as 14 ravenous actors gathered around the bag of dreams, hope, and calories. Within 15 minutes there was nothing at my feet but a shopping bag with the packaging of macadamia, peanut butter, chocolate chip (2 kinds!), and oatmeal cookies...
It was a picture that could be the scene of what I can only assume would be post meltdown no diet Meggie. Picture me: Sobbing hysterically, mascara running down my face, Everybody Hurts by REM blasting on the stereo, shoveling cookie after cookie in my mouth until there is nothing left but the empty boxes they came in. Actually...I'm actually pretty sure I have experienced this...but with cake...and pizza....and french fries...and chicken wings...and a jar of peanut butter...and ice cream....oh lord!
No wonder I am fat!
I still feel like I have a totally warped view of myself though. I was looking through my SELF magazine, and there was a picture of a girl 5'5" (like me) and 190 lbs (like I was!)...she was a TROLL. I mean like looked like a Big Fat Loser Beginning pic. Here's the thing. I think I'm hot! the way I am now. I could stop this diet crap and be happy with me, but I wouldn't mind shedding a few...that whole Long life business, and to have a little less hanging over the belt ya know? Plus, I FEEL better. Maybe I am crazy...maybe I am a troll, but if I am...I'm ok not knowing.
Food Log
2 egg whites (35 cals)
1 slice of toast with olive oil (125 cals)
orange hot tea
crystal light peach mango green tea (10 cals)
peanut butter sandwich (400 smackers)
16 pretzals (110)
1 cookie (80 cals...so worth it!)
watermelon, cantelope, pinapple, and orange slices (150 cals)
3 large passion and green tea hot teas
xo!
I stayed stong, I had 1 small cookie (I SWEAR!). I watched as 14 ravenous actors gathered around the bag of dreams, hope, and calories. Within 15 minutes there was nothing at my feet but a shopping bag with the packaging of macadamia, peanut butter, chocolate chip (2 kinds!), and oatmeal cookies...
It was a picture that could be the scene of what I can only assume would be post meltdown no diet Meggie. Picture me: Sobbing hysterically, mascara running down my face, Everybody Hurts by REM blasting on the stereo, shoveling cookie after cookie in my mouth until there is nothing left but the empty boxes they came in. Actually...I'm actually pretty sure I have experienced this...but with cake...and pizza....and french fries...and chicken wings...and a jar of peanut butter...and ice cream....oh lord!
No wonder I am fat!
I still feel like I have a totally warped view of myself though. I was looking through my SELF magazine, and there was a picture of a girl 5'5" (like me) and 190 lbs (like I was!)...she was a TROLL. I mean like looked like a Big Fat Loser Beginning pic. Here's the thing. I think I'm hot! the way I am now. I could stop this diet crap and be happy with me, but I wouldn't mind shedding a few...that whole Long life business, and to have a little less hanging over the belt ya know? Plus, I FEEL better. Maybe I am crazy...maybe I am a troll, but if I am...I'm ok not knowing.
Food Log
2 egg whites (35 cals)
1 slice of toast with olive oil (125 cals)
orange hot tea
crystal light peach mango green tea (10 cals)
peanut butter sandwich (400 smackers)
16 pretzals (110)
1 cookie (80 cals...so worth it!)
watermelon, cantelope, pinapple, and orange slices (150 cals)
3 large passion and green tea hot teas
xo!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Better!
I feel SO much better! YAY. It has been a long week of feeling like crap, but today was a good day. I did my stair running today, and was fine. I carried about 40 pounds of junk (ie: set pieces and props) from one rehearsal space to the other, and am feeling re-energized for work. I cannot even explain how much I love stage management, and today, I finally felt back to my old self again.
I think I needed a pep talk, an Ashliegh pep talk to be exact. She is so good about telling me what a kick ass lady I am, and you know what? I AM a kick ass lady. A kick ass lady who wieghs...drumroll
181.5!
And I am HAPPY with that. 1.5 lbs without Bob (granted with the barf fairy...but still...)! I am kicking it into high gear yall. Next week is going to be MAJOR. I can feel it. I want a 5 pounder next week. I am going to wake up (YES ME!) before 10am (once again, YES ME!) and work out before commuting. I will. I'll try. I think...
Food Log
1 english muffin with scrambled egg whites (150 cals)
3 large passion and green Hot Teas (0 cals)
1 Oatmeal Cookie Luna Bar (180 cals)
1 peanut butter sandwich, Fiber One multi grain bread (OMG 400 CALS!!!!! In a effing PB Sandwich???)(Good thing I don't like jelly...whats that like 600 calories?!!)
1 serving (that is 16 individual) pretzals (110 cals)
1 Lorna Doone 100 calorie pack (duh)
I think I needed a pep talk, an Ashliegh pep talk to be exact. She is so good about telling me what a kick ass lady I am, and you know what? I AM a kick ass lady. A kick ass lady who wieghs...drumroll
181.5!
And I am HAPPY with that. 1.5 lbs without Bob (granted with the barf fairy...but still...)! I am kicking it into high gear yall. Next week is going to be MAJOR. I can feel it. I want a 5 pounder next week. I am going to wake up (YES ME!) before 10am (once again, YES ME!) and work out before commuting. I will. I'll try. I think...
Food Log
1 english muffin with scrambled egg whites (150 cals)
3 large passion and green Hot Teas (0 cals)
1 Oatmeal Cookie Luna Bar (180 cals)
1 peanut butter sandwich, Fiber One multi grain bread (OMG 400 CALS!!!!! In a effing PB Sandwich???)(Good thing I don't like jelly...whats that like 600 calories?!!)
1 serving (that is 16 individual) pretzals (110 cals)
1 Lorna Doone 100 calorie pack (duh)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Almost..
So I almost feel better. I was able to get out of bed and go to work today! I love that I miss my job when I can't go...how many people get to say that? Anyways, I have been taking it super easy on my tummy which means no Bob this week. I was able to guzzle (and keep in!) like 2 liters of water today, and had 3 venti (effing starbucks!) I mean LARGE passion and green Hot Teas. So soothing to my inards and kept me up the same way coffee does...maybe can be a new habit...less calories and mulah than a frappawhappawhatta...and actually feels better inside. I can actually make the tea bags last through 3 fill ups! Don't judge the food intake today...I'm still healing. I did do all stairs, but I got winded and dizzy...maybe not ready for all that yet...I might use the escalator in the Providence train station, I am so exhausted from leaving the house today and have a major headache. I get on the death square tomorrow. I'm feeling really gross and bloated from all the fluids I kept in today. I mean I am happy to not have the stomach thing anymore. I just feel like I drank like 10 pounds of liquid today. Water water water....ok, death square tomorrow and more food (I hope!)
Food Log
coffee
oatmeal plain
large passion+green tea
large passion+green tea
steamed brown rice
large passion+green tea
Food Log
coffee
oatmeal plain
large passion+green tea
large passion+green tea
steamed brown rice
large passion+green tea
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
almost better
7:45. Ok, so I am almost better. Finally am not achy, feverish, and thinking I am going to toss my cookies...
I will be back on the road tomorrow, I promise.
Food Log
1/2 cup of nuts.
1 32 oz gatorade
Monday, January 18, 2010
About that..
So I puked in my hand on the train. I ate a hambuger, and my body PUNISHED me for doing such a thing. I have been recovering with soup and crackers.
I will be back on tomorrow evening.
I will be back on tomorrow evening.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Oatmeal Cookies
Ok, so don't be mad, but I can't weigh in until Saturday morning. I am sleeping in Boston for work and don't have the devil sqaure (AKA scale) to get on. Nothing to report. Except that the oatmeal raisin Luna bar is the greatest yet! I cannot wait to eat one tomorrow. It tastes JUST LIKE A COOKIE. A cookie that fills you up for hours and only has 180 calories that is. I don't even like oatmeal raisin cookies...why ruin a perfectly good cookie with raisins. Fruit NEVER belongs in dessert. I mean apple pie...that is breakfast food. As are tarts, yogurts, berries, syrups, I mean if I am having dessert I am having CHOCOLATE. Or cake...mmm cake. I Love me some cake. Yellow cake, chocolate cake, german chocolate cake, upside down cake, right side up cake, vanilla cake, red velvet cake, icebox cake, little debbie cake, swiss cake rolls, ding dongs, ho hos, twinkies! pudding and cake, pudding, pudding pops, pudding cups, pudding pie, pie! Wait, what was I talking about?
Food Log:
Coffee
Chai Latte nonfat (I miss the fat)
multi grain bagel with cream cheese (Starbucks did away with light...Bastards)
steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zuchini, and squashsalt and pepper 1 cup
oven roasted herbed potatos 1/2 cup
Luna Smores Bar
Luna Oatmeal Raisin Bar
Water!
Food Log:
Coffee
Chai Latte nonfat (I miss the fat)
multi grain bagel with cream cheese (Starbucks did away with light...Bastards)
steamed broccoli, cauliflower, zuchini, and squashsalt and pepper 1 cup
oven roasted herbed potatos 1/2 cup
Luna Smores Bar
Luna Oatmeal Raisin Bar
Water!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Meg and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
I had a bad day. I had a terrible day. I had a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
What started off as a great day...watching the Bachelor in long underwear... went horribly awry when a diet dr pepper exploded in my backpack on the way to the train station. In Providence. As I was power walking up Mt Everest...(or the slightly inclined sidewalk to the train station) I suddenly felt coldness on my backside. I thought my jelly roll had fallen out of my jeans again and was exposed to the elements. But as I felt the coldness spread from my back to my ass crack and then down my leg...I knew I had a problem. I ripped off my backpack and opened it to find 2 inches of ddp infiltrating my life. My notebook. My script. My computer.
I dried all my stuff off as best I could. Boarded the train to Boston with a wet ass and pissed off. My computer works (thank you Jesus) but there is grey spots all over the screen I am assuming for the rest of our lives. Ef you diet dr pepper. My 12 ride pass that I have been using for the last 16 rides (Score!) was finally declined. Ef you trainman. AND it's friggen colder than a polar bears privates...Ef you mother nature. I have a pimple...ef you pimple.
The good news is my "injury" from yesterday feels better. Since my house is so cold, I didn't even have to ice it!
Workout: Walked to work, all stairs, calf raises+squats with backpack on in train station. Moved 2 tables, a ladder, and 35 lb box across campus...TWICE.
Food Log
scrambled egg whites on low fat english muffin
luna bar:smores (this is the greatest thing on planet earth)
1/2 cup oriental snack mix
luna bar: nutz over chocolate (smores was better!)
grilled chicken snack wrap
1 serving bunny grahams
diet dr pepper
coffee
Water (TONS)
Blah. I will be funner tomorrow.
What started off as a great day...watching the Bachelor in long underwear... went horribly awry when a diet dr pepper exploded in my backpack on the way to the train station. In Providence. As I was power walking up Mt Everest...(or the slightly inclined sidewalk to the train station) I suddenly felt coldness on my backside. I thought my jelly roll had fallen out of my jeans again and was exposed to the elements. But as I felt the coldness spread from my back to my ass crack and then down my leg...I knew I had a problem. I ripped off my backpack and opened it to find 2 inches of ddp infiltrating my life. My notebook. My script. My computer.
I dried all my stuff off as best I could. Boarded the train to Boston with a wet ass and pissed off. My computer works (thank you Jesus) but there is grey spots all over the screen I am assuming for the rest of our lives. Ef you diet dr pepper. My 12 ride pass that I have been using for the last 16 rides (Score!) was finally declined. Ef you trainman. AND it's friggen colder than a polar bears privates...Ef you mother nature. I have a pimple...ef you pimple.
The good news is my "injury" from yesterday feels better. Since my house is so cold, I didn't even have to ice it!
Workout: Walked to work, all stairs, calf raises+squats with backpack on in train station. Moved 2 tables, a ladder, and 35 lb box across campus...TWICE.
Food Log
scrambled egg whites on low fat english muffin
luna bar:smores (this is the greatest thing on planet earth)
1/2 cup oriental snack mix
luna bar: nutz over chocolate (smores was better!)
grilled chicken snack wrap
1 serving bunny grahams
diet dr pepper
coffee
Water (TONS)
Blah. I will be funner tomorrow.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Chili Marinara
So off day was not very off. I ran about 1,000 errands and cleaned the house(ish), did laundry, cooked dinner...But the good news is I did not stand in front of Pantry for 12 hours today eating everything inside of it. I actually walked by it several times without even glancing toward it. I think by 7:00 the poor thing felt neglected. Usually when I am home I visit with Pantry at least 8 or 9 times, if only just to look inside. Instead of eating I exercised.
I had a date with Bob today. It went alright. It was alright while I squated. It was alright while did quick feet and felt every inch of myself jiggling (do you know how horrifying that is?) It was alright while I huffed and puffed and cussed the house down. It was all going alright. Until the side lunges. YES SIDE LUNGES. Who does side lunges? This girl. Until I side lunged a little too far to the side and felt a pain in a place that pain is only meant to be felt while having babies. Yup I think I pulled my doo dah. One I second I was lunging and the next I was cringing holding my crotch on the floor. I was supposed to be doing push ups I think. Instead I laid there wondering if they made casts for my you know what and then Bob started yelling to keep moving...so I just started flailing my arms from my laying position. Keep burning the calories right?
Anyways. My special part and I are just fine now. I do not believe the damage is permanent. All crotch pulling and arm flailing aside it was a great workout!
This evening I wanted to make a yummy dinner on a cold night for me and my man-friend, so I decided to make some chili. Nothing like some hot chili on a cold night, right? So I cooked up some ground turkey meat (healthier than the cows) and added beans (2 kinds!), and some chili mix. And then crushed tomatos...with italian seasoning in them. YUM! Nothing like a piping hot bowl of Chili Marinara after a long day of errands, crotch pulling, and cursing angrily at a hyper man yelling at you from a TV. After Matt doctored it with dozens of misc ingredients..it finally tasted like something that resembled Chili...Chili Marinara that is...
Food Log
Egg and English Muffin sandwich
Luna Bar: White Chocolate Macadamia nut
1 slice of bread with turkey, ham, cheese, and dijon mustard
1 bowl of Chili Marinara over steamed white rice, 1 tablespoon jack cheese.
1 corona light
I'm gonna rest my crotch now.
I had a date with Bob today. It went alright. It was alright while I squated. It was alright while did quick feet and felt every inch of myself jiggling (do you know how horrifying that is?) It was alright while I huffed and puffed and cussed the house down. It was all going alright. Until the side lunges. YES SIDE LUNGES. Who does side lunges? This girl. Until I side lunged a little too far to the side and felt a pain in a place that pain is only meant to be felt while having babies. Yup I think I pulled my doo dah. One I second I was lunging and the next I was cringing holding my crotch on the floor. I was supposed to be doing push ups I think. Instead I laid there wondering if they made casts for my you know what and then Bob started yelling to keep moving...so I just started flailing my arms from my laying position. Keep burning the calories right?
Anyways. My special part and I are just fine now. I do not believe the damage is permanent. All crotch pulling and arm flailing aside it was a great workout!
This evening I wanted to make a yummy dinner on a cold night for me and my man-friend, so I decided to make some chili. Nothing like some hot chili on a cold night, right? So I cooked up some ground turkey meat (healthier than the cows) and added beans (2 kinds!), and some chili mix. And then crushed tomatos...with italian seasoning in them. YUM! Nothing like a piping hot bowl of Chili Marinara after a long day of errands, crotch pulling, and cursing angrily at a hyper man yelling at you from a TV. After Matt doctored it with dozens of misc ingredients..it finally tasted like something that resembled Chili...Chili Marinara that is...
Food Log
Egg and English Muffin sandwich
Luna Bar: White Chocolate Macadamia nut
1 slice of bread with turkey, ham, cheese, and dijon mustard
1 bowl of Chili Marinara over steamed white rice, 1 tablespoon jack cheese.
1 corona light
I'm gonna rest my crotch now.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Celebrate!
So good news! A show I have been working with the last 3 years has been invited to perform in Dublin! Ireland here I come. I celebrated tonight, but not like I would have in the past (ya know, bucket of beer, bucket of fried, trough of ranch...)
Tomorrow is my off day. It will be the real test for me. Usually on my days off I spend 63% of my time standing in front of the pantry, 7% in front of the fridge, and the other 30% on the couch watching TV. I snack in the bad way of snacking so much you go into Snack Amnesia and you forget about the 1100 calories you ate before 1:00 because it was composed of tortilla chips, spoonfulls of peanut butter, and chocolate found at the bottom of my bag (who knows how long it's been there, and more importantly...who cares!). Then I usually find my "big meal": something from a bag of some sort (freezer? ramen?MCD's?) and then around 7:30 I decide it's time to eat something "healthy" a salad composed of lettuce and ranch with a side (or main) of spagetti with tomato sauce and butter. GOD I was SO unhealthy! YOU HEAR ME! I am admitting it!!!! I was a horrible fatty fat eater and I was in DENIAL!!! Well NO MORE! Tomorrow will be a healthy day off. A magical miraculous day where I don't use food as a companion or boredom buddy. I can do this!
Food Log
1/2 whole wheat bagel w/low fat cream cheese
coffee
string cheese
apple
water
1/2 Energy Bar: Peanut Butter Chocolate
1/2 Spicy Thai Chicken Wrap with cabbage and carrots in whole wheat wrap
palm full of sweet potato fries (No added salt)
2 Corona Lights
Monday's Mantra: My kitchen is not an all you can eat buffet. My kitchen is not an all you can eat buffet. My kitchen is not....
Tomorrow is my off day. It will be the real test for me. Usually on my days off I spend 63% of my time standing in front of the pantry, 7% in front of the fridge, and the other 30% on the couch watching TV. I snack in the bad way of snacking so much you go into Snack Amnesia and you forget about the 1100 calories you ate before 1:00 because it was composed of tortilla chips, spoonfulls of peanut butter, and chocolate found at the bottom of my bag (who knows how long it's been there, and more importantly...who cares!). Then I usually find my "big meal": something from a bag of some sort (freezer? ramen?MCD's?) and then around 7:30 I decide it's time to eat something "healthy" a salad composed of lettuce and ranch with a side (or main) of spagetti with tomato sauce and butter. GOD I was SO unhealthy! YOU HEAR ME! I am admitting it!!!! I was a horrible fatty fat eater and I was in DENIAL!!! Well NO MORE! Tomorrow will be a healthy day off. A magical miraculous day where I don't use food as a companion or boredom buddy. I can do this!
Food Log
1/2 whole wheat bagel w/low fat cream cheese
coffee
string cheese
apple
water
1/2 Energy Bar: Peanut Butter Chocolate
1/2 Spicy Thai Chicken Wrap with cabbage and carrots in whole wheat wrap
palm full of sweet potato fries (No added salt)
2 Corona Lights
Monday's Mantra: My kitchen is not an all you can eat buffet. My kitchen is not an all you can eat buffet. My kitchen is not....
Saturday, January 9, 2010
So tired!
Geez! I am EXHAUSTED. All I do is think. I think about food. I think about props. I think about scripts. I think about schedules. I think about lists. I think about snow, cold, mittens, scarves, caps, train tickets, train times, subways, wallets, shoes...I think think THINK. I over thought today. I went braindead in the final moments of leaving work. The task of getting dressed to go outside layers and layers and layers...I left my cell phone sitting on the stage in the theater. FAIL. Good thing I will back on the train to work in less than 12 hours. It won't be sitting there long enough to loose battery...Obviously I need my day off to happen.
Food Log
scrambled eggs
1 slice of toast lightly buttered
1 serving goldfish
apple
chips ahoy 100 calorie pack
coke zero
grilled chicken sandwich w/honey mustard (SUCKS not being fried)
sweet tea
Come Monday it will be alright.
Food Log
scrambled eggs
1 slice of toast lightly buttered
1 serving goldfish
apple
chips ahoy 100 calorie pack
coke zero
grilled chicken sandwich w/honey mustard (SUCKS not being fried)
sweet tea
Come Monday it will be alright.
Friday, January 8, 2010
I dropped it in theTrain Station.
I love losing weight. I might make a habit of this eating good and exercising thing. I have been running up the stairs of the train and T stations and doing calf raises while waiting for them to arrive, and guess what I DON'T CARE IF PEOPLE STARE AT ME...cuz I am 7 pounds lighter then I was a week ago! I know this is a fluke, and that I need to prepare myself for small numbers (Bob's lessons in fitness). But I did have a major dance party in the bathroom in my Carolina Blue knee socks, teal and blue polka dot underwear, and tshirt this morning...until I got frostbite and had to cover up with a parka.
I am starting to not miss all the bad food...I don't crave cupcakes as much. I mean...I love cupcakes...I would right it off of my food intake, ya know like on your taxes. My reasons? They were smaller than a WHOLE cake so obviously they are healthier. I used to think about cupcakes all the time, thinking about when or where I could get my next fix. In Chicago, I had a dealer in every neighborhood...sometimes I had more than one. Once, I rode on 2 buses, a train, and walked for like 15 blocks to find a joint, and never found it. I ended up going to the supermarket, buying a 6 pack of em, and ate them all in my bed and passed out with my enormous cupcake filled gut hanging out of my stretchy pants. If that isn't the story of an addict I don't know what is. Later, Matt found the mystery bakery that eluded me that day, brought me the cupcakes and ya know what?.. they weren't the best. But I do remember the best cupcake... ever. Mike's Bakery in the North End in Boston. This was the first time Matt saw my addiction. It was a simple cupcake: yellow cake, buttercream frosting...but, it was a morsel of heaven unlike any other I have ever experianced. Buttery, soft, moist (and I HATE that word), sweet (but not too sweet), fluffy peaks of frosting, cake that crumbled just slightly, spot on cake to frosting ratio...it was perfect. I moaned and groaned with pure elation while eating it, and by the time I realized what a scene I was making, half the cupcake was gone, frosting was all over my face, and Matt was staring, mortified, at the gruesome scene that was unfolding in front of him. I still managed to trick him into falling in love with me after that, but I am sure he had his doubts as he watched that particular moment of Meg. But GOD was it worth it! That delectable, fantastical, sweet delicious confection that brings a little joy to the fat girl's heart...
No, I don't miss 'em at all...
Food Log:
1/2 cup Low Fat Activia (Thanks Jamie Lee Curtis)
coffee
grapes
1 serving whole wheat goldfish (still counting those little boogers)
1 whole wheat bagel w/low fat cream cheese
1/2 a soft pretzel-no salt (Truthfully, I only ate half because I dropped it on the floor of the train station otherwise, I woulda ate that!)
coke zero
WATER
Now I have to stop thinking about cupcakes again...
*I know I didn't eat much today, but I wasn't hungry (they say only eat when your hungry). This is not everyday, don't worry mom, aunts..ect...
I am starting to not miss all the bad food...I don't crave cupcakes as much. I mean...I love cupcakes...I would right it off of my food intake, ya know like on your taxes. My reasons? They were smaller than a WHOLE cake so obviously they are healthier. I used to think about cupcakes all the time, thinking about when or where I could get my next fix. In Chicago, I had a dealer in every neighborhood...sometimes I had more than one. Once, I rode on 2 buses, a train, and walked for like 15 blocks to find a joint, and never found it. I ended up going to the supermarket, buying a 6 pack of em, and ate them all in my bed and passed out with my enormous cupcake filled gut hanging out of my stretchy pants. If that isn't the story of an addict I don't know what is. Later, Matt found the mystery bakery that eluded me that day, brought me the cupcakes and ya know what?.. they weren't the best. But I do remember the best cupcake... ever. Mike's Bakery in the North End in Boston. This was the first time Matt saw my addiction. It was a simple cupcake: yellow cake, buttercream frosting...but, it was a morsel of heaven unlike any other I have ever experianced. Buttery, soft, moist (and I HATE that word), sweet (but not too sweet), fluffy peaks of frosting, cake that crumbled just slightly, spot on cake to frosting ratio...it was perfect. I moaned and groaned with pure elation while eating it, and by the time I realized what a scene I was making, half the cupcake was gone, frosting was all over my face, and Matt was staring, mortified, at the gruesome scene that was unfolding in front of him. I still managed to trick him into falling in love with me after that, but I am sure he had his doubts as he watched that particular moment of Meg. But GOD was it worth it! That delectable, fantastical, sweet delicious confection that brings a little joy to the fat girl's heart...
No, I don't miss 'em at all...
Food Log:
1/2 cup Low Fat Activia (Thanks Jamie Lee Curtis)
coffee
grapes
1 serving whole wheat goldfish (still counting those little boogers)
1 whole wheat bagel w/low fat cream cheese
1/2 a soft pretzel-no salt (Truthfully, I only ate half because I dropped it on the floor of the train station otherwise, I woulda ate that!)
coke zero
WATER
Now I have to stop thinking about cupcakes again...
*I know I didn't eat much today, but I wasn't hungry (they say only eat when your hungry). This is not everyday, don't worry mom, aunts..ect...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Yesterday...
So. I am NOT a morning person. That being said. Tearing myself out of peaceful slumber in my cocoon of flannel, down, and quilts in order to jump around a 50 degree living room while a man who I am sure is on amphetamines yells at me to smile is really hard to do.
I didn't work out yesterday, except in taking the stairs in every situation and by lugging 3 stools and a box of props that weighs roughly 30 pounds from one end of Harvard campus to the other (twice!) counts as exercise...which to me IT DOES. I will BL DVD tomorrow, as I now know that it is somewhat productive to be awake before 11am (although I must admit, not as cozy or relaxing) and my head is a little screwy before 11. This I found out when I realized I forgot my blackberry at home while standing in the train station...no big deal you say? Well guess what, IT IS A BIG DEAL. I need it. I NEED my blackberry. SO, I hopped my fatty butt in a cab and paid 15 friggin dollars to get it. Stupid waking up in the morning. I blame my memory loss not on being a generally forgetful person...which I am NOT...but on the complete lack of Calories and Fat. Maybe if I actually loose any weight this week, I will not be so inclined to "help my memory" with a Big Mac.
Food Log:
1 serving whole wheat goldfish crackers
1 serving Natures Valley granola bar...that's right I only ate ONE of the sticks in the package..those sneaky jerks try and make you fat by putting TWO in there. I'm on to you Corporate America...
1/2 10 Calorie Vitamin Water
1/2 a turkey, spinach, and roasted red pepper wrap. Condements: horseradish sauce.
4 piece chicken mcnugget meal w/sliced apples (Friggin golden delicious sliced apples SUCK compared to those golden delicious French Fries)
small sweet tea
1/2 a chocolate square (Matt can vouch I only ate half!
The Day of Truth is near...
I didn't work out yesterday, except in taking the stairs in every situation and by lugging 3 stools and a box of props that weighs roughly 30 pounds from one end of Harvard campus to the other (twice!) counts as exercise...which to me IT DOES. I will BL DVD tomorrow, as I now know that it is somewhat productive to be awake before 11am (although I must admit, not as cozy or relaxing) and my head is a little screwy before 11. This I found out when I realized I forgot my blackberry at home while standing in the train station...no big deal you say? Well guess what, IT IS A BIG DEAL. I need it. I NEED my blackberry. SO, I hopped my fatty butt in a cab and paid 15 friggin dollars to get it. Stupid waking up in the morning. I blame my memory loss not on being a generally forgetful person...which I am NOT...but on the complete lack of Calories and Fat. Maybe if I actually loose any weight this week, I will not be so inclined to "help my memory" with a Big Mac.
Food Log:
1 serving whole wheat goldfish crackers
1 serving Natures Valley granola bar...that's right I only ate ONE of the sticks in the package..those sneaky jerks try and make you fat by putting TWO in there. I'm on to you Corporate America...
1/2 10 Calorie Vitamin Water
1/2 a turkey, spinach, and roasted red pepper wrap. Condements: horseradish sauce.
4 piece chicken mcnugget meal w/sliced apples (Friggin golden delicious sliced apples SUCK compared to those golden delicious French Fries)
small sweet tea
1/2 a chocolate square (Matt can vouch I only ate half!
The Day of Truth is near...
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Workdays...
OK, so I have to figure out how to exercise+work. I am continuing to take stairs whenever possible and am monitoring my food like a prison guard, but I want to sweat with the fat people on BL DVD tomorrow...except that skinny one who won...whatever her name is. I hate her. I want her to wipe that face off her head and stop smiling at me. IT'S NOT FUN. STOP SMILING. I secretly hope she will become fat again one day. That one day she will encounter one donut and then find herself on a massive Krispy Kream binge and then Bob walks in her house to check up on her and she is 400 lbs again and glazed. hehehe....Now THAT will get me through a workout! I just have to do it when Matt isn't home, I feel like it's enough for him to know what I weigh to the awful 1/2 pound that I would usually lie about, enough for him to see me counting out individual crackers for serving sizes, AND enough for him to endure the biological side effects of me adding all the vegetables and fiber (the collard days were ROUGH)...but for him to see me and all my jiggely glory jumping jacking and cursing my way to fitness...well shucks ya'll that just aint proper...I'm a lady!
Anyways, I must say, I spent most of the day nauseated everytime I put food in my mouth, I think I am allergic to food without grease, a crispy fried exterior, or peanut butter on it. Why else do I have no interest in finishing the last 3 cookies in my little 100 calorie packet? Old Meg would have eaten all of them in 30 seconds flat, and then cut open the wrapper and licked the inside.
Food Log:
Egg whites on whole wheat toast, brushed with butter...can you tell Matt was available for breakfast this morning?
Coffee
celery sticks, plain
carrot sticks, plain
1 serving whole wheat goldfish crackers 60 EXACTLY ( I counted them while Matt made fun of me)
turkey, honey ham, and cheese sandwich with boston lettuce on whole wheat bread.
add ons dijon mustard
100 calorie pack of chips ahoy cookies
diet dr.pepper
agua
Weigh in is coming up...I do it in front of boyfriend so I can't cheat....and I get that extra jolt of humiliation. Nothing is cuter than a fat girl on a scale screaming "YOU LIE! YOU LIE!" But he doesn't complain...I might even wear my "bread" shirt while I do it.
Anyways, I must say, I spent most of the day nauseated everytime I put food in my mouth, I think I am allergic to food without grease, a crispy fried exterior, or peanut butter on it. Why else do I have no interest in finishing the last 3 cookies in my little 100 calorie packet? Old Meg would have eaten all of them in 30 seconds flat, and then cut open the wrapper and licked the inside.
Food Log:
Egg whites on whole wheat toast, brushed with butter...can you tell Matt was available for breakfast this morning?
Coffee
celery sticks, plain
carrot sticks, plain
1 serving whole wheat goldfish crackers 60 EXACTLY ( I counted them while Matt made fun of me)
turkey, honey ham, and cheese sandwich with boston lettuce on whole wheat bread.
add ons dijon mustard
100 calorie pack of chips ahoy cookies
diet dr.pepper
agua
Weigh in is coming up...I do it in front of boyfriend so I can't cheat....and I get that extra jolt of humiliation. Nothing is cuter than a fat girl on a scale screaming "YOU LIE! YOU LIE!" But he doesn't complain...I might even wear my "bread" shirt while I do it.
Work+Workout?
Yeah, it didn't happen yesterday. BUT my eating was controlled and I feel good about that. I did take the stairs instead of escalators in the train station and subways. I was all freaked out about my first day of work, so I figured the best way to prepare was to get up at 11:30 and watch a Desperate Housewives marathon on Hulu. I did this to the point I had to change in front of the computer so I could find out weather Karl lived or not (died) and how Lynnette's surgery came out (not so great). Obviously this was more important than my fitness.
FOOD LOG
1/2 bowl of low fat maple and brown sugar oatmeal (consistency similar to Elmers Glue..must work on this)
3 cups of coffee (consistency similar to molasses, also need to work on this)
*can you tell Matt was gone for breakfast?
1 medium non fat chai
small cup of potato soup w/multi grain bread slice
Diet Dr Pepper
Agua
1 string cheese
I think I have a meeting with Bob soon.
FOOD LOG
1/2 bowl of low fat maple and brown sugar oatmeal (consistency similar to Elmers Glue..must work on this)
3 cups of coffee (consistency similar to molasses, also need to work on this)
*can you tell Matt was gone for breakfast?
1 medium non fat chai
small cup of potato soup w/multi grain bread slice
Diet Dr Pepper
Agua
1 string cheese
I think I have a meeting with Bob soon.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Latin Beats
This was interesting...
So I did the Dancing With the Stars Latin DVD today. Apparently you have to have BEEN on DWTS in order to do the video. Shit was hard. They didn't even fully explain the next step and when that Dude described a step as being "Easy Twisty Thingy" I was PISSED. I spent most of the DVD screaming "SLOW DOWN JERKFACE!" because it was so hard. I do know this. I was sweating. Clearly I was unhappy with the choice of random latin music, I think it would have been a stronger choice to use Shakira or Whitney Housten (who cares if she doesn't actually sing latin music?) I made up moves for the last 8 minutes of each section because I was so lost, and I cannot move I am so sore right now. Apparently the exercise is doing something, even if it's just making me annoyed, sore, and swear more than usual.
Food Log:
1 apple
1/2 Peanut Butter Sandwich on Whole Wheat Bread
1 serving goldfish crackers (it may have been 63 crackers instead of 60, but close enough...)
Pot Roast w/potatoes, carrots, onions
1/2 baked sweet potato
1 Chips Ahoy 100 Calorie Pack
I am proud of myself for holding strong while Matt broke out the box of chocolate covered goodness. He was staring me down a popping choco-pretzals in his mouth taunting me...it took all willpower not to tackle him, grab the box, and lock myself in the bathroom and devour every single item in it...but what would Bob say?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Shut Up Bob
Soooo
I did the Biggest Loser Bootcamp and spent 30 Minutes yelling at the TV "SHUT UP BOB!" I dunno if these workout tapes are for me. You see, I live in a house that was built in 1910, so the floor shakes when I do jumping jacks to the point of fear of loss of life from the bookshelf falling on top of me, or falling through the floor into the basement...that would be bad. I can't figure out what shakes more, the house or my gut (insert bowl full of jelly jokes here, please.) but seeing that this is an issue up for discussion, I should keep doing the freaking tapes, eh? The good news I am sweating like a pig in my 54 degree living room wearing a TShirt that says "bread" across the front. Apparently I found the need to have a side of irony with my private humiliation. I suppose that the fact that I was in pain the entire workout and breathing harder than Santa on a treadmill is a sign I should continue the self inflicted pain of lifting 3 pound dumbells over my head, while muttering "How the hell is that fat lady in the back not passed out yet?" Anyways, my ass (sorry Bob, my "glutes") was burning the whole time, in the good way not the bad way that needs imodium and I am pretty sure I pulled something in my neck SO a positive experience overall... I might switch it up a little and go latin on your asses tomorrow.
Food so far: 1/2 cup of Activia w/2 tablespoons granola on top (I have poop issues..get over it)
scrambled egg whites (surprisingly good) on a biscuit (no added butter though!)
collard greens w/pepper vinegar
black eyed pea soup
Diet Cherry 7up (With Antioxidants!)
3 cups coffee
Chips Ahoy 100 Calorie Pack (I'm only human!)
Oh and a note to all: Don't eat collards with vinegar within 3 hours of a workout. All I could smell was vinegar the whole time, I am pretty sure it's coming out my glands...
I need to wash off the sweat and vinegar now...
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Attitude!
OK! So I have had time to process, and get over it. Now the work really starts. I went to target and got "Dancing With The Stars, Latin Beat" Dvd. Oh yeah, I'm gonna cha cha my million pound ass off. If I can figure out how to record video, I might give you all a little tasty latin Meg delight...but only if you are good blog followers.
Today was ROUGH. I had a headache most of the day from the lack of sugar, fried, grease, and chocolate. I was in serious withdrawl around 5pm. I called my sister to talk me off the ledge as I was parked in the Burger King parking lot. I opted for a diet coke instead of the triple whopper with cheese and tub of mayo that I really wanted... It's not fair the way they pump out the hamburger smell onto the street like that, All's I know is one minute I was sitting at the stop light. Then I must've had a fatty blackout because the next thing I know I am in the parking lot. It's a good thing chick fila is all the way in NC. There's no stopping me and that brown crispy crusted chicken fillet with pickles on top...Yeah. Good thing they aren't up here.
I went to the grocery store with my withdrawl induced headache. I got healthy stuff.
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