I have grey hair. I have ALOT of grey hair. I am sitting in front of this computer complaining about my grey hair whilst dyeing my grey hair. Just the greys. I am terrified to do all over color on my hair in fear that it will turn into shredded wheat and fall out of my head. So I sit medusa'ed and wait to see if my dye resistant grey hair will accept the stinky crap sitting on my head burning a little.
I have a mustache. Most people don't notice my mustache (affectionately called Mr. Tracy by my high school boyfriend forever scarring me and my facial hair), but I do. I see it when I brush my teeth, when I am putting on makeup, when I floss...all the time. I have thought about waxing him, but I am sure that if I do it will only anger him and make it grow back in a full on fumanchoo, forcing me to join the circus and make children cry as the bearded..er...mustached lady. So instead I bleach him. Right now. I am using a ton of it, so it will either turn white (preferable) or be chemically burned off my lip forever (more painful but equally preferable). So here I sit, in front of the computer with medusa hair and a white bleach mustache that both burn and are making me a little high. For Real. If it will make you laugh harder imagine me doing a dance...in orange boxers with chickens all over them and a hot pink tube top...BINGO! I just made you day.
Did I mention my eyebrow? I get my eyebrow hair ripped out of my face biweekly, because without it, the two man made ones morph into my God made single one, similar to a giant catapiller. I am so sexy when I let myself go...who wouldn't want to marry an old grey mustached lady with 1 eyebrow...good thing Matt does.
So this is what I do for beauty. I hide all the Steve Tracy that I apparently inherited...grey hair, crazy mustache...thanks for the genetics dad. (But I thank you for real for the dark eyes, sense of humor, huge heart, and awesome smile...If one would say I posses those qualities). What do men do? HUH? What's up guys...how about your groom YOUR unibrow? Or shave (and maintain) the hair on your legs...aka MOST OF MY BODY...? All you have to do is put on deoderant (if we're lucky) and put gel in your hair...I scoff at your hair gel. I blow dry (in 90 degree weather without AC), flat iron, defrizz, and seal with humidity resistant hairspray..all which aint cheap buddys...and you use hairgel....bah. Anyways. Matt would still love me even if I got all Megor'ed out (Megor is my troll like alter ego who loves potato chips and ice cream and burping. Megor does not groom), at least I hope so...
I am assuming a major part of my wedding planning will also be a brigade of coiffing, grooming, and assuring myself there will be no chance of the return of Mr. Meg T. I can hear the vows now...
"Do you Matt, take this mustache..."
No thank you.
I need to refigure my budget for all this grooming.
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