oof

So maybe the reason why I aint loosin weight is because I am having too much fun...aka alcohol on the weekends...I drank 4 beers last night but feel like I chugged a keg instead...oof.

I am HUNGOVA.

FOOD

whole wheat pasta with tomato basil sauce

roasted chicken breast

a little bit of Matt's hamburger

cake (I'm only human!)

WATER

Pizza tonight

178.5

Measly half pound....

Im getting drunk on grease tonight.

FGB

I hovered in front of the pantry for about 20 minutes, just staring at food and calories. Wondering what it would do to my diet if I just put a chair in front of it, and proceeded to eat everything inside. Fat Girl Behavior.

The GOOD news is I didn't eat anything, and worked out instead.

I am usually excited for wiegh in day, but after the last couple, I am dreading it. I want that number to be smaller SO BAD, and I just know I will be crushed if it's not. CRUSHED. TACO BOX crushed. BIG MAC crushed. Binge eating frenzy from hell crushed.

So lord of fat, if you hear me...please please PLEASE keep me from eating a box of gorditas tomorrow by letting me loose a measly pound. I need faith in Bob again. I need faith that I am working out so hard it hurts to sit for something other than hearing Bob, Bill, and Bernie say stupid shit for 45 minutes everyday. I NEED TO LOOSE A POUND!!!!!!!!!!

FOOD
-yoplus yogurt (110 cals)
-fiberful fruit bar..the flavor doesnt even matter anymore, it all tastes like crap (60 cals)
-apple
-1 whole wheat mini pita with 1oz each of l.f. turkey and ham, 1 tbsp hummus (180 cals)
-sun dried tomato wrap with cous cous, 4 oz chicken breast, broccolini, olives, hummus, and lemon vinigerette (375 cals)
-100 calorie pack cookies (100 cals)
-diet coke
-TONS of water
-NO BOOZE:)

ok..see you tomorrow...

A gift.

So I might change it up a little today, to this little exercise delight... enjoy not only the video, but the image of me attempting to this in my living room...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGOO8ZhWFR4

This is why the crack is whack slogan was invented in the 80's.

Off to workout...xo

Rehab

My God! I am sore. I hurt in places I never knew could hurt, nor should a lady discuss. But I achieved half moon in yoga today. I must loose this week. Absolutley MUST. I will shove pizza in my mouth until I vomit on friday if I come up no lbs lost this week. I will find bob. I will find him and yell in his face that he is a bajerk and his shit don't work. I am at the END of Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2 and I should be Skinnier, you blonde, Ken doll, jerkwad...

Take a cleansing breath Meg...channel Rodney and breathe....

Ahhh better. Anyway. I ate like stupid healthy stuff again today. I ate stupid healthy hummus. And stupid healthy whole grains. And stupid healthy Fruit. And did not even have one of the Wise Brand Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips that were floating around the table at rehearsal tonight. NOT EVEN ONE. Ya know why, because if I ate just one....oh lordy....it would be bad. I mean real bad. I mean humiliating bad. I would have had one of the delicious salty morsals of fried greasy goodness...immediatly going into a fried eating frenzy tackling an innocent cast member and wrestling the bag of chips out of thier startled, and possibly severely injured, hands...run off into a closet or corner somewhere and devour the entire contents of that lovely shiney yellow and purple pandoras box (er, bag) of evil, rip it open and lick YES LICK the inside. Then as I came down from my Salt and Vinegar high, and had to look at the myrid of devestation left in the wake of Hurrican Fatty, I would cry salty tears as a fearful group of grad students looked on in awe, finally seeing the full levels of my addiction, my illness, my FGB (fat girl behavior).

As the motion picture of Fat Girl's Gone Wild played in my head, I turned away...partly in shame, but mostly to stop drooling just looking at the crumbs across the table....that I actually came close to running my finger over them, to suck on it for the flavor...SAD. Fat girl needs to get a grip. But all I can think about is bad bad bad food.

Big Mac Bad. Double Whopper with cheese Bad. TACO BELL BAD. Ya know things are bad when all you can think about is the "Big Box Meal" I don't even know what is in the Box...But I WANT IT...And then I think, maybe...just maybe, I can just have one french fry, just one chicken finger...but guess what I'm FAT girl slim, and I don't have just one, I have 193 lbs worth. So that is where I am, I can't cheat, because cheating leads to full on relapse. I'm a junkie for junk food. And I am in junk food rehab.

FOOD LOG
Luna Bar (80 cals)
Coffee
Fiberful Apricot.(all these damned things taste the same I don't even know why they label them) (80 cals)
1 tablespoon hummus (40 cals)
1 whole wheat pita (80 cals)
2oz turkey breast (65 cals)
grapes
sun dried tomato wrap w/4oz chicken breast, cous cous, lettuce and peppercorn dressing. (400)
yoplus yogurt (110 cals)
corona light (90 cals)

I can't give up the one luxery of a beer. After spending a full day bobbing and weaving through the world on a diet...mama needs a drink.

I would walk 500 miles...

Or 3. I walked to work today, 3 miles(ish) in about 35 minutes. Worked up a sweat, and ate pretty good... I keep waiting for the good healthy eating stuff to get easier. BUT IT'S NOT. All I can think about are french fries. And chicken mcnuggets. And cheeseburgers. And Pizza. And potato chips. And brownies. And Reeses Cups. And beer. And meatball subs. And nachos. And chickfila. And Cake. AND MORE CAKE. I know that this behavior is what got me fat. But it tastes so effing good. I mean I love eating junk food. A swell of happiness comes over me. I rub my feet together in pure elation. I dream about nachos and french fries almost every night...seriously....I wake up with drool on my pillow, I have never been much of a drooler..but dreaming about milkshakes changes that. Oh junk food, how I miss thee.

Anyways. I have an appointment with Bob tomorrow. I was so sore today because I didn't do the fat girl variations on the video yesterday. Usually I do what "Heatha" is doing. Yesterday I did the real stuff. I jumping jacked like 6 books off the book shelf, along with the chef winestopper that no longer has legs. I backwords pushupped myself into complete and total numbness in my arms (is this supposed to happen?) And I watched stupid Bill's stupid smile while I was "Blowin out my triceps"...F.U. BILL...Stupid jumping jacks...EF THAT. I'm a fat girl (for now), and I will do the easy movements if I want to. I will torch cals tomorrow. For now I will just calculate the tasteless low calorie shit I ate today...I miss you golden fries of love....

FOOD (if you can even call it that)
yoplus yogurt (110 cals)
1 slice whole wheat bread (100 cals)
1 tablespoon peanut butter (95 cals)
1 serving soy crisps (120 cals)
fiberful mixed berry friut bark (80 cals)
whole wheat spagetti with steamed broccoli, cauliflower in olive oil (350 cals)
corona light (90 cals)

word

I am back on the program. Back in action. I did double duty today, Bob and yoga. I succeeded in mastering another yoga pose today. And I ate like a healthy champion of the world.

FOOD LOG

coffee

yoplus yogurt (110 cals)

luna bar (180 cals)

Fiber Ful fruit bark, apple blueberry (80 cals)

2 tablespoons hummus (60 cals)

1 mini pita (80 cals)

Orange Poached Chicken

Asparagus

cous cous (Dinner total: 350 cals)

1 corona light (90 cals)

WORD!

stupido

I weighed at 179 again.

So obviously I went on a fried food binge and had epanadas, sweet potato fries, and croqettes last night. and beer. and beer. and beer.

So now, in my post fried food state of mind I am ready to commit again.

No more fried. Moreso, although a few days late...fried is my lent give up. No more fried.

I'll say it again. no. more. fried.

Fatty Fat Fat

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. No sir-eee.

I worked with Bob, I hated it. I feel like a fatty today. I don't want to dress to my skivies and weigh my fat. My fatty fat fat.

Food

oatmeal (120 cals)

yoplus yogurt cup (110 cals)

1 serving quaker rice cakes (70 cals)

carrots w/low fat ceaser dressing (70 cals)

chicken wrap with lettuce, low fat ceaser dressing (350 cals)

1 serving quaker rice cakes (70 cals)

skinny cow ice cream bar (100 cals)

1/2 serving almonds (90 cals)

2 starbursts (40 cals)'

Blah.

Not Vegan Mac

Apparently I was mistaken.

I, Megan Tracy, ate non vegan mac and cheese at lunch the other day. My apologies for the mix up. It was real life legit mac and cheese with broccoli. And it was GOOD. No wonder I liked it so much.

I worked out with Bob today. It was the worst workout of my life. And I didn't have Rodney to make it all better after. I didn't have time. And then I was nauseated. And then I threw up. I think I was dehydrated. Or really sick of watching "Heatha" (not to be confused with "Heather") kick my ass at "blowin out my triceps". Is it just me or does "blowin out" a major muscle in my arms NOT sound like a good idea. I fixed my ponytail instead. My favorite part of Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2 is when I put all my weight on my wrists for reverse push ups, and my arms go numb for the 5 minutes we do this STUPID effing position. Thank you BOB for the carpal tunnel syndrome. ASSHOLE. So workout today did not go as planned. Actually workout today SUCKED BLOWN OUT TRICEPS.

But guess what. I will pick up those (massive) 3 pound dumbbells tomorrow and do it again. Why? Because I am close to the 20 pound mark and I WANT IT. I want my 2002 denim back. I want to be able to be a MEDIUM. What a difference. Large (ew) and Medium (yay!). I don't even want to be a small. Just a MEDIUM.

FOOD.

whole wheat english muffin with egg whites

activia strawberry yogurt

roasted chicken breast

1 tablespoon hummus and a mini whole wheat pita

1 cup steamed broccoli and cauliflower

1 serving Quaker Rice Cakes

1 LARGE IPA beer

cup of beef and vegetable soup. Bread NO BUTTER

1 starburst, pink

17 twizzlers bites

coffee (x2)

Back the the Grind

I started working again yesterday, but all in all I stayed on track:

Walked 3ish miles to work in the snow, sleet and jerkwad Rhode Island drivers. You know in the movies when a car drives by a someone get splashed by mud....yeah it sucks as much as it looks.

Food Log:

Luna Bar

yoplus yogurt

1 cup vegan mac and cheese

diet coke

coffee w 65 packs of splenda (0r 3)

walnut crusted pork shop (lean cut) topped with sauted apples and onions

broiled asparagus

baked sweet potato rounds

skinny cow 100 calorie ice cream bar

A Great Day!

I felt like today was a solid day for me. Seriously solid. All around really.

I worked out with Bob and Rodney. I don't start my workout thinking "I'm doing aerobic AND yoga" BUT Bob (as awesome as he is at putting me in PAIN) SUCKS at stretching afterwards. Yeah, I said it BOB sucks at something...and I'd tell him to his face too. But Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2 is killer. I mean I am in SERIOUS pain the entire added 15 minutes after the original 25 minutes of pain I was doing before. I like to curse profusely during this 15 minutes. I make up things, I think I called Bob a Buttfaced Farthead while I was doing ab workout today. For some reason the F bomb just didn't feel personal enough...so obviously ButtFace is the next step in profanity. I am so busy sweating, panting, and feeling pain in places that I did not know had muscles (hello there strange throbbing section of my buttcrack??!?!), that the most obscene thing I can think of to scream is FARTHEAD...

My major achievement (other than Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2) was successfully completing warrior 3 pose during yoga today. This involves standing on one leg with the other leg straight behind you with both arms straight in front of you. Basically your body makes a giant + sign. Typically I try, fall, and then wiggle my toes until Rodney says to move on. But TODAY...today I did it and held it for all of my undulations...whatever that means. I still can't get through all those damn back bends...or camel pose (not to be confused with camel TOES, a conversation had earlier with my non yoga Boyfriend)...but this just means I can see my progress. Eventually I will do camel pose...and Maybe three back bends with Rodney...

I made dinner tonight. Roasted chicken with Herbs De Provence, rosemary and garlic roasted red potatoes, and brussels spouts. No butter, limited olive oil, and lots of herbs and flavor. It was GOOD. This of course means I will make this meal every time I cook for the rest of eternity...

Food Log:

2/3 almond and blue cheese scone with egg whites sandwich

boston lettuce greens and raddichio with olive oil, vinegar, and black pepper

1 serving garlic croutons

yoplus blueberry and pomegranate yogurt (BEST yogurt EVER) TRY IT

1 serving quaker rice cakes

6 oz roasted chicken breast

1/2 cup red potatoes

1 cup roasted brussels sprouts.

rehearsal for my next gig starts tomorrow. I will keep up this healthy life though.

Thanks for the support ya'll. I want these lbs OFF...

woop!

179 bitches!!!!

I made it into the 170's! Six pounds away from my 20 pound mark! I have a feeling those six pounds are gonna be the difference between Too Big Express jeans (bought at 193) and my Skinny Meg jeans (bought in 2003). I keep looking at all the clothes I want to wear in my closet again, and they are so close to fitting....1 more inch is all I need and they will be buttoned...maybe not comfortable, but buttoned!!! And the idea that maybe, JUST maybe, I can slim these man calves down to fit in the beautiful boots that are on sale everywhere for the end of season. High hopes I know, but hopes nonetheless. Will 6 pounds be everything I hope it will be? IT HAS TO!!! I am working my butt off, literally to get those six pounds off this week. Next Friday will be a good day. I can feel it in my fat, which is fearing for it's life after my turbo workout today.

Lemme tell ya. Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2 SUCKS.

I was seriously about to throw my 3 lb dumb bell at Bob today. It was my first official venture into Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2. I watched some of it the other day, but decided it was too hard so I ate string cheese instead and watched it on the couch. But today, after my weigh in, I felt inspired to give it a go. Geez Liouse did I ever. I huffed and puffed and blew the dag on house down. I jumped, I jacked, I HACKED up a lung when I couldn't get my breath. And I cursed Bob out so bad his mama (and mine) would cry. But I DID IT. And then you know what I did. AN HOUR OF YOGA! BAM! Take that muffin top! And you know what else? I did a back bend TWICE! SUCK IT Luv handles! And guess what pot belly....Big Fat Loser Bootcamp #2 does ABS!!! HA! My fat should be scared. I am a woman on a mission...a mission to..um..not be fat? (I'll think of something better later).

Anyways,

I have to write now because my Providence peeps are having a party tonight. I made vodka crystal light (5 cals per serving) so I could still keep it low whilst at a party.

Food today

1 serving plain popcorn

1 slice homemade bread with 1 knife scrape (I dunno how else to phrase this!) of butter

yoplus yogurt

glass of OJ

hot cocoa

xo

I'm back!

Here I be, back in action. I tried to be healthy. No fry Fried Chicken, and sweet potato fries (in the oven)was on the menu. But I tried to cook. This obviously means we ordered pizza.

However, I did meet with both Bob and Rodney. A combined workout of 1 and 1/2 hours. That yoga crap kicked my butt! I was grunting and groaning my way through the hour long sun salutation. I heaved my butt up into 1 out of 3 back bends. And I must admit my favorite part was corpse pose...aka laying on the ground for 3 minutes. Nonetheless I was sweating, (less) swearing, and totally feeling the burn the whole time.

Anyways, Matt has a snow day tomorrow, so I will forgo the humiliation of working part 2 of Big Fat Loser DVD's in front of him, and might go for a snow walk. Possibly make snow angels for 2 hours. Hopefully not end up in a snow drift up to my doo dah...

Id rather not discuss my eating habits but know I must...I started off good...

whole wheat english muffin w/2 egg whites

cup cantaloupe

3 slices of turkey

1 serving quaker rice cakes

cup cantaloupe

100 calorie packs chocolate grahams

pizza

beer