Smack My Gym Up

Damn I worked OUT today. I mean like really really worked out. I cannot lift my arms over my head...which means tomorrow is sooooo gonna suck. I have a goal of turning my apple shaped body....actually, it's more like an apple with 2 breadsticks shoved into it...anyways...into a slammin hourglass. I am actually trying to make my butt bubblier(?) while trying to whittle my waist without loosing my boobies....uh is this even POSSIBLE?!!?!?!? Instead of doing running cardio for an hour, I am alternating mountain climb on the treadmill with reverse elliptical machine, and throwing in some stationary bike for good measure. Because "Pearl" AKA "The Dress" is a figure hugging fit and flare, I need my curves to be H-O-T!

I have been in listmaking mode, trying to see how much I can actually get done over the winter. I cannot believe we are already at a year out...WEIRD. I have so many DIY projects, I really think I will go crazy next summer if I don't hunker down and work on some of them now...save the dates, invitations, pinwheels, mustaches, lanterns, boutineers, veil, possibly a chandelier??? YES, I know I'm crazy...but I am on a DIY mission. What's crazy to me is how far in advance you are recommended to do things...save the dates a year out!? Wedding dress 12-8 months in advance?! What about all those poor brides who are planning in 3 months! Yikes!

One of the items that we want to make sure we get taken care of with plenty of time is Matt's Custom Made Wedding Band...diva much? Kidding, but seriously, the band can take up to 6 months to make. This is what we are looking at...
We both love the idea that Matt's ring is a one of a kind, and it will have my fingerprint on the inside, isn't it so sweet you kinda throw up in your mouth...GOOD!


Anyways...Food is better. I made pumpkin bread, but then I gave it all away so I wouldn't eat two loaves of it by myself and end up crying, hiding in a closet with orange crumbs smeared across my face and the smell of cinnamon and cloves seeping out of my pores...EW. So I gifted to all the amazingness that IS my pumpkin bread...it's pretty awesome, I'm jus sayin. Am I supposed to be talking about how healthy I was today? YES. I was healthy today. The end.

Tomorrow:
I will go to the gym
I will eat healthy
I will be awesome.

Gymtastic

So I hit the gym today doing 15 minutes on 4 different cardio machines and then lifted weights. Still feeling slightly motivated I did "Carmen Electra's Cardio Striptease" (thanks cousin Stephanie).

I felt like the biggest idiot EVER. Here I am in my butt shoes, capri sweat pants, and a giant shirt that says "GREEN MONSTAH" trying to get my sexy on. NOT SEXY. I felt no increase in my heart rate other than the paranoia that Matt was going to walk in at any minute while I was doing my slut squats. Oh, how wonderful webcam would be for you...although absolutely mortifying to me. I am convinced that NOBODY can look sexy during "Carmen Electra's Cardio Striptease" EXCEPT Carmen Electra. I will save my slut squats for another day.

I need to get back into watching what I eat. I fell off the veggie wagon into a pile of pastry, ice cream, and cupcakes....no good. Well, they were good, trust me, but I am feeling a little round lately. Today I have eaten: fat free pudding, chicken, 2 pickels, and about 400 almonds...more like 17...but still. I feel GROSS. Maybe it's because at the gym my sweat kinda smelled like pickle juice.....ewww.

Shower for me...might practice my sexy walk on the way there...

Pork.

So I go to the gym now. Sorry Bob, but I am now a proud member of the YMCA...Dammit now that song is in my head...anyways, I have been going to the gym around 5:00pm because "Say Yes to the Dress" reruns are on from 5:00-6:00 and it keeps me motivated to stay on the treadmill. I hate HATE HATE running, so I wear my butt shoes and walk on level 15 incline to kick my ass. It gets my heart rate up, makes me sweat like a man, and makes my gluteus maximus BURN the next day. I think it would still be nice to have Bob there with me...but for now Randy at Klienfelds will have to do.

Eating habits are sucking right now. I am not even going to lie. I ate chicken fingers yesterday, and guess what...THEY WERE GOOD. And then, it was Monday night football, so obviously I had a pitcher of beer and pulled pork nachos...FATTY FAT FAT!!! But Lawd Have Mercy...it. was. goooooood. The sweet saucy pulled pork mixes with cheese, sour cream, guacamole, salsa, in all its fattening delicious, calories busting goodness....so worth the bloated guilt one faces the day after. Overall the night of gluttony was phenomenal until I dropped a huge piece of pork into my beer....obviously I kept drinking it, until the pork particles just started grossing me out too much...even fat girls have a limit ya know. Although the BBQ sauce sweetened/complemented the flavor of my Octoberfest...Beer just isn't supposed to be chunky...

Today, however, I believe that oven roasted vegetables and some sort of non-fried meat item will be dinner...at least thats the plan...will update on vegetable status soon.

Thanks to "My Dress", I will kindly refer to her as "Pearl" from here on out, I have realized that dropping tons of weight is not what I need or want to do. "Pearl" has a corset to suck in all my fat (woot!). "Pearl" was designed to make Megan M. Tracy's curves look bangin....oh Pearl...when will you be mine? She is just magical in every way...I haven't stopped thinking about her ever since her luxurious fabric hugged my body in all the right ways...ever since me, mom, and sister were tearing up in a dressing room...ever since....oh pearl. My new goal is to tone up the arms, and to make my butt look AWESOME. And to get rid of my muffin top...or in my case cupcake top, as I do not eat any muffins, but indulge way too much on cupcakes...mmm cupcakes....

Snap out of it Meg! No cupcakes for you!

Now that I know the dress, I need to find me some SHOES yall.